Rachel – thanks so much for taking the time to write this.Don’t be surprised if I come back to you…

and the number of commas is hard to take ..

so (just a suggestion!!!)

‘With just an animal shriek of blind terror half torn away by the vicious wind, the prophet was gone. The sea left no sign to mark his passing: just a clump of bubbles quickly swirling away. The savage wind dropped away and the huge waves died back, as if embarrassed to look on such cowardly inhumanity. A torn piece of rigging patted at the shards of the mast and the hull creaked gently with each rise and fall of the waves, relieved to have sustained the onslaught.’

Now this sort of thing is perhaps NOT what you meant by collaborating.. but if it is.. I like your concept very much and could maybe do this sort of creative suggesting/commenting in between the demands of my ministry. I like taking material and tweaking it.. I used to prepare plain English versions of exam questions for Deaf students and am interested in how things “read” (to the inner ear).